There’s one of my groundbreaking review ideas out of the bag. Well, not groundbreaking since it’s a rip-off of one of the larger video-game-culture phenomenons of late of Zero Punctuation, everyone’s favorite fast-talking fast-insulting Australian guy who rambles on about video games while ironic images appear in the background.

I figured I’d do my best to bring such a wonderful thing to the otakusphere by banging out my own ripoff parody homage to this style of reviewing, and my first topic would be Kure-nai, simply because if I did something silly like this no one would notice that everyone beat me to discussing this show, even Baka-Raptor and otousan and apparently another one by Karura showed up on the aggregator today.

(Yeah, I’m half-linkwhoring, half apologizing for not commenting on the other reviews because I was expecting to talk about it in mine. Additionally, becuase I was listening at the ABC channel last night about how there’s not enough interblog chatter. Thus, link-whoring.)

Of course somewhere between here and there the motivation ran out and the review admittedly ran horribly, horribly long and so I decided to scrap this script as a Zero-Punc script and just post it up as an actual review.

This is mainly because, aside from the fact it took me 7 minutes to read, I didn’t believe that it really captured the feel of Zero Punctuation. I managed to write a bit snappier and cracked a few more jokes than usual but it wasn’t laden with hilariously graphic metaphors and, as usual from me, was a bit too serious.

So you can judge for yourself whether it would have worked or not; although it might be a bit tricky because there’s no ironic stick-figure images that contrast the text to make the writing a bit more amusing.

Oh, and don’t forget, there is a review of Kure-nai in there somewhere too.


I was always taught in English class to begin with a shocking statement, and so, here it goes: If you watch anime, you are probably a lolicon.

OK, OK, before you break out your pitchforks and torches (or nod disturbingly in agreement), let me tell you: that’s not a bad thing. Not everyone who is attracted to little kids is going to grow up and be a church pastor or Michael Jackson, and really, the sense of the word ‘lolicon’ I’m using is simple.

Not every ‘attraction’ has to be one of sexual desire; quite often it’s closer to real life where people like to rub the heads of little kids and scream in obnoxious voices “You’re so kyuuuuuute!” where one is simply very, very moe-moe towards anime kids.

Now granted, if you start liking the little ones more than the big ones (DFC notwithstanding) or if you’re starting to get off to your favorite magical girl anime, then that’s a different topic I won’t be discussing.

But for the rest of us we’re brought to a show called Kure-nai. It’s a show that features a 7-year-old naked in a public bath, and really, that’s all you need to know to pass judgment on it.

*cue music*

Oh for the love of – the problem with shows prominently featuring little kids is that they’re frequently tossed into the ‘lolipedo bin’ without a second thought; perhaps this because many of these shows do actually contain a unhealthy level of fanservice limited only by the Japanese censors and giant rolling ‘no’s. Kure-nai is a bit smarter in that it shies away from physical porn and gives you some mental porn instead.

After all, part of the reason people like little kids aside from awkward complexes is that they do, after all, say the darndest things and so we come upon a sort of intellectual fanservice present here in Kure-nai and many other shows, where Murasaki says a lot of things that are half inappropriate, half out-of-context, and fully hilarious. It fully fits our image of the naive little kid and that’s what makes her so likable.

Continuing on this, the other thing about Murasaki is that despite the fact that she’s seven years old, when she’s talking about adult things is the only time she really acts it, something that will make or break Kure-nai for you. Quite frequently she spouts the most mature lines and speaks the most truth of anyone in the show, mixing that childhood naivete with the intelligence of a grown woman, something that will again leave viewers dazzled and probably hating the real world where all kids do is babble about nonsense and Barney.

Murasaki really makes Kure-nai a treat to watch for everyone, because her truths about love and the world will make analytical types froth at the mouth, and when she’s not talking about that she’s busy innocently talking about something inappropriate, which makes dirty types froth at the crotch.

Still, this brings me to the first problem in Kure-nai – and do remember, as a knock-off of fast-talking review series the world round I am contractually obligated to tear anything vaguely popular to shreds – in that it’s horrible at keeping a sense of believability.

Murasaki is the first to stretch the bounds when she begins spouting really strange stuff for a child to be knowing. It can be explained, for sure – she had an intelligent upbringing in the Kuhouin family, or perhaps this is that whole ‘hyperrealism’ thing where anime represents the real world being tweaked to perfection in a test tube in some mad scientist’s lab – but sometimes you just get the feeling that perhaps the animators forgot what age she was, or better yet, didn’t care.

There’s probably a life lesson in here somewhere about how everybody could learn something from someone else and that we shouldn’t discriminate against people based on age or anything, and I would admittedly forgive and probably worship Kure-nai if the main problem was just that, but unfortunately there are other holes big enough to drive a orange Jaguar (and later a grey Mercedes) through.

Kure-nai is the rough equivalent of a tsundere in show form. It can’t decide if it wants to be a gentle, sweet slice-of-life, or a dramatic, conflict-filled action anime.

Now the thing that makes everyone the world round melt down at people like Kagami, Akiha, or Kyou is that they, like M&M’s, are hard on the outside and soft on the inside. You get that feeling of having to work for your reward wearing down their defenses, and being able to see a side of a person no one else would.

Unfortunately, Kure-nai is a show and not a person, and so it cannot blush or lock itself in a gym storage room, and only beats up their viewers’ minds instead of their bodies. We have a term for this and it’s called multiple personality disorder.

Maybe I’m just selfish and liked the Murasaki end of Kure-nai too much but every time we suddenly find Yayoi or Benika shrugging off mortal injury and laying the smackdown on a random goon, all I can do is groan. It’d be almost passable except the fighting is even more ridiculous and dumb than asking Murasaki for sex advice.

It’s not really dramatic at all; the good guys are ludicrously broken, with no sense of bodily injury, we know how it’s going to end anyway, and I keep laughing how no one brings guns to a knifefight.

Perhaps my true problem with Kure-nai is that it is the epitome of wasted potential. It is the classic example of the little train that couldn’t: with only 12 episodes it tried to do a little bit of everything instead of focusing on any specific goal. This is a great recipe for a good show, but not a good recipe for a great one.

Murasaki is the only polished point in the show, and even then I’ve given her a paragraph of hate already.

The Kuhouins as enemies are poorly characterized: all of them are insane with little to no motivation and so they just come off as raw evil, which damages the otherwise great way the show doesn’t jump to conclusions about people.

The romantic subcurrents with Shinkurou, glasses girl, and that one other woman, really never amount to anything more than some awkward tension. Episode 7 did a great number on love and I hoped there was more but in the end the only confession we got was from a seven-year-old, and otherwise the romance didn’t even amount to enough to claim, “Oh, it’s subtle”.

The side characters were all over the map. Shinkurou’s flatmates had a good time in the spotlight especially during their musical number, but Yayoi looked to have a bit of a story as well about always being lonely and untrusted, except that never happened, and I already whined about my lack of schoolmate love-love and about the dark black souls of the generic Kuhouins.

The ending drew a lot of flak from viewers for -

WARNING! ENCOUNTERED A SPOILER. NO REFUGE, shmup reference, etc. run away now if you didn’t watch the show yet.

- just handing Murasaki back to the Kuhouin family she began with, but I thought it was done well. It wasn’t dead obvious like the idealistic choice of Shinkurou sweeping Murasaki off her feet, and it was still quite feel-good as well. You got the feeling that the two Kuhouins that weren’t pure evil could change the family, that although Murasaki was going back into the lion’s den, it was for a good reason and the right thing to do. Because nothing can replace true family, not even a guy with a bone sticking out of his arm.

So that’s two good points for the show: Murasaki and the ending; everything else runs the gamut from decent to incredibly, incredibly stupid, but in the end it all averages out to a solid show. Of course, the problem is that in a season with other good picks in the feel-good and analytical department, I found Kure-nai just doesn’t stick around long enough to make a lasting impression.

I’d recommend it to others nevertheless, but overall it’s like a good meal or perhaps a cheap fling: while you’re eating it, it tastes good, but you’re not going to remember it down the line as much more than a short, abstract memory, unless perhaps you do actually like watching 7-year-olds naked in a public bath, then you’ll have that scene engraved in your head forever instead.

Kukuku, full circle.

-CCY

(I’ll get anime-style ZeroPunc off the ground eventually… once I find something that really makes me rage XD)