As my roommate put it, ‘WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYfu’.

Or maybe ‘wai-fufufufufufufu’.

Wai for waifus?

Having cleverly overshot the apex of my intentions, which was originally to follow the footsteps of Keima Katsuragi and his fantastically ridiculous (and automobile-themed) rants about the qualities of a certain visual novel archetype, I now find myself in the gravel trap of raving fandom, ending up with the ‘ridiculous’ but maybe not the ‘fantastic’, as somewhere between the 150m-to-corner sign that marked the beginning of the post, the 100m braking point of extremely personal, charged opinion, and the 50m ‘oh-shi-you-better-turn-now’ marker of really bad metaphors and analogies, I overshot my mark and found myself doing donuts in my own tl;dr piles of a strange form of narcissism.

Not because I love myself, but because I love these girls as though they were myself. (Thus my tendencies to stay away from lewd images of some of my higher-ups).

Already the split in my writing can be seen, between the fairly straightforward and heartfelt section and the ravingly, wildly insane section (much like certain twin pairs such as spoiler-and-spoiler, or spoiler-and-spoiler, or maybe even spoiler-and-spoiler), and I should probably devote my post to separating the two and picking one.

Or, perhaps, I could just end this three-post-series with all the flair of a horribly, horribly done harem anime and pick an entirely inconclusive ending, while spending all my excess time making fools out of those readers who made an attempt at guessing my top three waifu-alikes. (Don’t worry kevo and Nazari, I still love you both in the most non-otakusphere-shippable way possible.)


In any case, let’s move on to the back 9 in the golf-course of, which is to say the top 9 in the list of, which is to say the strongest (9) of the 18 waifu-alikes which I selected over the course of a few nights.

For those of you who remember where we were last time, we were busy pretending that the process of selecting a waifu can be done by narrowing down a list of qualities that reflect a different sort of taste than, say, pure moe, or pure character worship.

The LEXUS difference between a waifu, and a -waifu-.

We already have Liking, which indicates that there must be some level of familiarity beyond some sort of unnatural curiosity (stalkers never win, kids).
Emotion is the second letter and the second rule, in that, well… really, I think a person you want to spend your life with, should be one that at least can show some level of facial expression. This is mainly because of the next point…
X. ‘eXquisite’, because I think it’s more important to have a refined character than to have a smoking hot body and enough sexual tension to fill a high school of angsty teenagers.
Alternatively, X, the cross between two people that indicates a give-and-take relationship. The communication between a couple, the equal footing that both of them are on, their bond that lets them work together to achieve new heights.

A bit flowery, but sensible. More than any of the usual put-on-a-pedestal worshiping (hold on while I take the hypocritical oath).

(image: big wednesday)
Finally arriving after a lengthy journey at number 9, without even a thought of a Beatles or Touhou reference, we end up at Eriko Futami (#9), a curious case.

Eriko simultaneously breaks and upholds all the rules in the book, proving that the rulebook is something worthy of quantum physics. Maybe that is fitting for someone of Eriko’s intelligence.

Certainly one can imagine that Eriko has quite the head on her feet (as well as quite the hair, but then we delve into physical characteristics which are horrendously subjective and difficult to argue – not for lack of me trying), although the latter end of KimiKiss has proven that she definitely is no stranger to love, either.

It’s a good balance that makes her a strong character, and lends some credit to the mysterious intrigue that surrounds her for much of the early parts of the series. Certainly she is quite close to that ‘good’ definition of ’strange’, that unique kind of character which always leaves you intrigued and a bit confused … and, as Kazuki would have it, wanting more.

Perhaps I’m a bit soft for the mentally-playful type, not quite at the level where they’re just toying with you, but at the level where you know you can mess with them, and they’ll fight back, but it’s all just for fun. Eriko’s concept of ‘experiment’ as it is, is something that resonates. A sort of free spirit.

One may note that 1) I have two KimiKiss girls on my list and 2) Eriko is ranked higher than Yuumi, despite the fact that I probably expounded about 10000 less words for Eriko over the course of KimiKiss’s airing. One could say that was out of personal empathy with Yuumi’s cause. Curiously, one could almost say the choice of Eriko here is the more ‘rational’ decision, where Yuumi’s is the more ‘emotional’.

How fitting.

(image: izuno kenta)
I would have a number eight here in the list but I appear to have lost track of where she went … Isumi Saginomiya (#8) clocks in here, as a depressing reminder of just how young everyone in the Hayate no Gotoku cast is in proportion to their great merit (certainly it’s hard to pick a character from there I -dislike-).

Certainly Isumi acts more mature than any of us did at 14 – admittedly probably a low bar, but you have to respect how Isumi can occasionally be sane and serious and perfectly level-headed in the face of adversity.

This is usually because she has misrepresented or is ignoring the danger entirely while she goes to wander with her head in the clouds, but I digress.

Maybe I just have a bit of an affinity for those who dare to be as air-headed (the dojikko ‘air-headed’, not the brainless ‘air-headed) and clueless as I am – one could call this the U for Unison, not just in traits between both people, but in the ways in which the sort of ‘relationship teamwork’ has been defined above under ‘X’. This is why I find Isumi a strong character in many regards, and not altogether an entirely horrible choice when it comes to selection for this list.

However, in the end, if Isumi were ever to get hitched she’d probably end up getting lost between the front-door and the ride to the chapel, eventually turning up at some other wedding and becoming the property of some other completely arbitrary man (or woman, as you would have it).

And that will just cause unnecessary angst.

(image: genkai majika)
Speaking of unnecessary angst, Chihiro Shindou (#7) probably has more than her fair share, but one has to make necessary accolades for someone who has been through more than her share of tribulations. And I have a gut feeling, deep down somewhere, that Nagisa Furukawa (#6) can sympathize a lot with her as well.

One can imagine that these two, as shining beacons of the visual novel’s ability to create perfectly flawed yet still appealing characters, would get along quite well together. At least I could.

Well, I at least can draw parallels between the two, to the point where you can picture Chihiro as a bit of an amplified version of Nagisa. Both have their own physical problems, which perhaps are less comparable, but you can see that spark of inner strength inside both of them, beyond that adorably shy exterior, a will that is unbreakable, and that’s something that I definitely treasure.

The parallels begin to fade somewhere after the 13th hour, naturally; Chihiro’s strength seems something that is slowly forged due to many strong relationships in her life, while Nagisa never seems to falter even in the worst of times. Although you can’t fault Nagisa’s family either. Either girl here has the full package, people-wise.

In the end these girls both are fantastic examples of strong characters both on the outside (visually, and personality-wise, one could say), and the inside (in terms of how they deal with adversity, their relations with people and the world, etc), and it becomes very hard to beat that. Nagisa gets the nod mainly because I am an unexciting person and feel that life is a bit slower with her, picturing the contrasts between the almost slice-of-life-like Clannad and the dramatic ef.

Chihiro is a great girl, but all the work you’ll have to put into a relationship with her will nearly break you at times. Perhaps a merit in its own (ye old ‘going through thick and thin’ clause) … but not for me.

(Also, if you ever let her oversleep, you are -screwed-. Although some might like that sort of moe-like aspect, nurturing Chihiro in a very moe-like relationship position back to full health.)

If you genderswap me and palleteswap my hair to pink, you get a certain magical senpai.

(image: syokomo-taiman)
You also get Miyuki Takara (#5), which is why she’s number 5 on the list. Birds of a feather, one calls it.

(Granted, you’d have to add a touch of Hiyori in order to get a perfect copy, but really, when you get to that level, it goes beyond coincidentally awesome and into just peculiar.)

One may be amused at how the descriptions are becoming shorter and shorter the closer to number one we get; it may be because of the wildly variant amount of detail each character gets in each anime, which I have ignored blissfully in my spontaneous ranking.

Certainly I know there are at least ten of you in the crowd taking offense to how I just placed Miyuki, with like 5 minutes of exposition, ahead of Nagisa who had approximately 5 -hours- of exposition (probably more, actually).

And … well … what can I say? Rankings aren’t perfect. It doesn’t help that it’s easier to explain why I dislike a character (often on some more objective level), rather than why I really like one (when it comes down to more of an indescribable feeling, as I’m sure you all are familiar with).

Certainly it’s impossible to compare all these characters on a flat scale, as mentioned in Nagisa v. Chihiro. It depends on what one is looking for. An exciting, dramatic relationship? A sex romp? Something else? I personally tilt toward the calm and the low-key, myself. I know I’m not cut out to be starring in a visual novel anytime soon.

This reason precisely is why, despite the fact that I’ve probably spent more time writing this post than watching Aria, Akari Mizunashi (#4) is number four.

(image: hyper heiki)
Surely any of you that have been captured by the serene aura of Aria need no explaining why. Even I, who merely drifts along the outer currents, admiring the beautiful scenery and character design, feel a bit soothed by the relaxation waves of Aria and its girls.

As a result I’m finding it increasingly difficult to paint the cast of Aria (at least as I know them), in any way, in any sort of bad light whatsoever. Its power is incredible.

Carrying that sort of power day to day, as someone like Akari does, is something that I only wish I could be able to do. Perhaps I try. But it will take me many years before I can be as radiantly positive and easy-going as Akari, and that’s something I respect very much. Such is why I think being around someone with such a mindset, is such a good idea. I only would hope that I could contribute the same.

For those of you playing The Waifu Guessing Game along at home, as we have reached the top three on the list, you may now take your tickets out of your pocket … and promptly tear them up.

Ladies and gentlemen, number three, Hayate Ayasaki (#3).

Of course you probably would not put it past me to put something ridiculous on the list here, knowing how well Endless Eight has taught me to troll, but do recall that I never explicitly mentioned (well, I hope I didn’t) that waifu material has to be female.

And certainly I’ve made no effort to hide my respect for Hayate as a man, a woman, and everything in between in his adventures as a butler, frequently quipping that he’s probably “the second or third best girl in Hayate no Gotoku”.

It should be no contest that his profession lends him that aura of ‘manliness’, not that type of manliness like Cho-Marisa disturbingly-muscular manliness, but rather, the chivalry sort of manliness that makes women like me swoon.

Although certainly Hayate’s physical prowess appears to be quite unmatched.

What probably is the most fantastic, and the most sexuality-breaking, about Hayate, is how he functions well as a member of both genders, almost as if there was some sort of binary switch within him that could be activated with the addition or subtraction of nekomimi and meidofuku.

Not only can he be the most upstanding, moralistic, kind-hearted man around, he can also be a stomach-wrenchingly cute, moedorable girl. So take your pick, I guess.

Hayate is the ultimate handyman, able to fix anything, even his own gender. Respect him as a man, adore him as a girl, be gay for him as an aniblogger.

Moving on, you may recall Chekhov’s Word from earlier in the post, that of the LEXUS analogy. We’ve got the LEXU. What about the S? What do you think that stands for?

Well? Any guesses?

Actually, it’s not Shiori Misaka (#2).

It’s Strength, something that Shiori and many of the girls leading this list have. That inner strength that makes them more than cardboard props (with really pretty designs), easily blown over in the wind. That contributes to all the other letters in the LEXUS, that makes them someone who can work with people, fight through adversity, everything.

Incidentally, if you’re actually wondering why Shiori is ranked this high, I should probably refer you to this post from _ETERNAL which will refer you back to a post from me which will probably still refer back to a pile of at least 2 or 3 posts extolling why I’ve gone off the deep end for the shawl-wearing, vanilla-ice-cream, sad-girl-in-snowing wonder that is Shiori.

It’s probably one of the more exaggerated aspect of my anime fandom, but I do feel that there are certain things that I should stand by, and Shiori happens to be one of them, that mysterious magical mix of moe, mystery, and inner strength that’s captivated me for explicable and inexplicable reasons.

Certainly, “Shiori guy” is a more interesting title than “glasses girl guy” or “harem anime guy”. Or “senpai guy”.

But this leaves just one, doesn’t it…

If I were on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire (Moellionaire, more like), I couldn’t say this is my final answer. Nor could I measure on any scale whether this choice is significantly higher (or even much more than equal to) than the other 17 on the list (ok, maybe I can say the top 8 or so are definitely in a higher echelon).

And I’m still wondering, after 2500 words (in -this- post!) whether I’ve done much of a good job of explaining criteria that may be sensible for waifu material. Or whether I’ve just launched on a rant of either entertaining, epic, or encreidbly long (sp) length.

But I don’t wonder, why I like Chinami Ebihara (#1).

-CCY