“How can I praise you for something stupid like that?!? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate all the melonpan?”

In the end, Shakugan no Shana II was like an average NASCAR race. It sounds awesome, there’s a lot of action, fire, and people getting punted into walls, but then you realize you’ve been doing circles for a couple hours and you’re exactly where you started at the beginning.


One thing about Shana that always bugged me was that it quickly became apparent that half the scenes in the OP we would never get to see, and not ‘never get to see’ like real life fans sitting around going ‘I’m a wussy nice guy, now hurry up and jump me, ladies’, but like an in-story ‘I’ve got a big sword and I’m very afraid to use it…and Blutsager doesn’t get much action either.’

Actually, I don’t think we ever saw Three-Eyes (Bel Peol, I’ve heard her name is, although I really don’t know) in the story for more than ten seconds at a time, much less in a fight scene. Just as useless as Uchida and not half as cute … although, I’m incredibly curious about how glasses would work on her…

Hell, the villains needed a boatload (of the Nice variety, etc) of power of existence, plus some mad scientist machinery, plus an ancient artifact treasure thingy hidden inside a main character, plus Konoe, of all things, to change the laws of the universe? I know ordinary high school students who could do it for cheaper.

Wilhelmina better get to Shana quick, before she starts thinking that in order to make babies, you have to concoct some grand overarching scheme involving a giant mecha, the Reiji Maigo, and an irrelevant green-haired girl.

Well, that’s assuming that Wilhemina isn’t busy tapping Outlaw’s resources to do her own research on child creation. Satou’s first mission at Outlaw? I could totally write these doujinshi, now just to get to work on the Wilhelmina x Butter Toast one-off…

The fight scenes in the final episode were quite entertaining, if not wildly confusing and hard to take pictures of. Kind of like auto racing again – there’s stuff happening and things blowing up all over the place, and then all of a sudden Sydonay peels off of the course going “I wouldn’t hit that” to the clock tower and there’s flags (er, bandages) flapping all over the place.

It was also likened somewhere to Touhou. Certainly a lot of the last scenes in this anime felt like they could be translated well to a video game, or at least an action movie.

Maybe one of those war movies with lots of airplanes and dogfights, considering how much low altitude flying all the characters do in this show.

(Andohbytheway, who needs flying chickens when you have flying maids. I know where my vote lies. Flying maids? YES WE CAN!)

Then again, maybe one of those samurai flicks would work better. Hecate and Shana have got the clash-pose-clash-pose-clash-pose stance down pat.

Poor Wilhemina… ouch… ouch… and ouch some more.

(When you can’t think of a joke in your parody, make it funny by directly copying it.)

What genre is the slow-motion pass-by from? Let’s add in one of those two. Now all we need is some symmetrical docking, broken genderbent characters, and gym locker rooms, and we’ll have an epic movie on our hands.

I don’t care anymore. Just shoot me. No way there’s a Reiji Maigo in here. None. I won’t accept it.

(Alternatively, DARKNESS IN MY SOUL, etc.)

Now Kazumi, now is your choice!

Life … or death?

Possibility of Shana III … or certain series end?

Losing Yuji to Shana … or losing Yuji to Shana?

(At this point betting on Shana winning Yuji at the sportsbooks in Vegas returns approximately one penny for every billion dollars spent. Konoe probably has better odds than Yoshida … if the scoreboard had enough digits to approximate their odds any better than 9E99X10:1.)

For a second here I thought Yoshida had instantly gotten her power of existance sucked away and was turned into a Torch, and was unaware of it (i.e. sudden reality shift), but of course that would be too exciting. Instead it appears she just canceled the summon. Didn’t anyone ever tell her not to turn the power off while saving?

That’s right, Kazumi, you wait for Yuji to tell you he doesn’t like you.

Oh wait, in your silly little game with Shana, when deciding which girl to go to, he has to ignore the other one. Good job, Kazumi. Who needs to be an hero when you can get shut down by Yuji and run crying into Ike’s arms.

Actually, I kind of like that idea. Pity the Ike in Shana doesn’t know how to spam super armor with his up+B move though.

Oh, even better plan, Kazumi could enroll in the “Meido Power Training Camp”, run by Hisui and Yoriko, policed by Magical Amber and Wilhelmina, with lessons in spilling drinks all over your master, growing cat ears, and making plum sandwiches. Afraid she’s going to have to start at the bottom with Mako-meido-cakes and Genderswapped Mikuru, though.

!!!

Oh, that makes more sense. Now the one million dollar question is, how much protection does a Flame Haze with burning wings and a wicked sword need?

“Don’t worry Shana, I’ll save you from the plot! Just let me get into place and angst about myself, yourself, Kazumi, the sudden green-haired girl percieved as a rival to your affections, the falling value of the American dollar, and the fact that I’m being used in a horrible parody of some more famous anime blogger’s style!”

Of course, this wouldn’t work as the angst engine is fully powered by two-girl-drive, and they’d need a gar converter to swap in a Yuji turbocharger. Maybe last season.

“Counterattack, or hug Hecate tightly, counterattack, or hug Hecate tightly… ah, screw it, I’m going to be back for a third season anyway, might as well take the lolipedofin option while I can.”

One thing that really strikes me about the battles of Shana II, is that while they’re quite impressive looking with all the action and impossible-to-get-a-clear-screeenshot-ness, is that they’re always horribly lopsided. Sabrac has been the only real fight that wasn’t incredibly one-sided, and even then both sides only lived as long as they did thanks to cheap tricks, such as Wilhelmina’s bondage bandage gear, and Sabrac’s up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-start code that gave him far too many lives.

Uh…on topic…that’s right. Bal Masque looked very much in this episode like they could have wiped the floor with Shana and crew, but since they weren’t bright enough to protect their own creation, it acted as an pathetically easy shield for the good guys. See, this is what happens when all you have is ranged attacks.

Not to mention, entrusting your ultimate creation and its defense to some mad scientist who can’t even speak straight, and his bumbling robot. Someone give this guy some taiyaki or something. He really feels like someone who would be more of an insignificant villain, given his comic value, yet he and his robots are essentially the last line of defense. It’s like sending Ralf Schumacher out to drive an F1 … wait …

Final eyecatch, Shana on a snowy night. If you’re wondering why there’s no snow, it’s because she melted it all…without even turning on Flame Haze mode.

Back to the action, Shana’s in. Now Shana II’s a spy movie. Melonpan hand grenades? Mikan boxes as cover? Someone call Hollywood.

Actually, it would never work, because the unwritten rule of Shana is that you have to yell really loud for your attack to be powerful. And you thought Yuuji was just trying to grate your eardrums all along.

Meanwhile, Shana herself has tossed the concept of the spy movie, and just decides to run … a lot.

Run… run… run, run, now Shana
Run… run… run like the wind now
Run… run… run, run, now Shana
Run…

Stop!

I can’t remember where the “I don’t want to dissappear from your heart” line came from – ef, possibly? Meanwhile, a couple dozen fans get their hopes up that maybe Yuuji will go and die to end the show, since Kazumi couldn’t. Then we’d get Kazumi x Shana yuri end, and everyone knows that is Best End.

Alternatively, Shana should have flown straight through Yuuji. There’s always time for comedy!

Back on track (hah), Shana tells Yuuji in very vague terms that bad stuff will happen if they don’t destroy Bal Masque’s weapon of mass destruction. See, we don’t even need details to move the plot along anymore. Way to fearmonger, Shana. You don’t have five years to be stuck in that robot, Yuuji will be toast way before then.

Meanwhile, Shana and Yuuji continue to move backwards in their relationship, as they don’t even try to fake attempting to confess anymore. It’s a sad sign when saving the world is more important than getting the girl in our action anime.

Meanwhile, the collective older-women fanbase holds their breath as everyone’s favorite Margery Daw continues bleeding half to death. I think this is a shrinking faction among the Melonpan Alliance, the Flat Chest Alliance, and the Tsundere Collective. Note that all three describe Shana.

Nevertheless Margery actually is a pretty witty and enjoyably blunt character, and so it’s really distressing watching her -

Wait, she’s all better. Damn right that healing might take a bit, Marcosias, what was that, five minutes of episode time? Reminds me of Murray Walker … “I don’t make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be wrong.”

My first expectation after seeing this shot of the giant suit of armor was that it was going to begin spitting random creatures out of its abdomen. But unfortunately, the Shana II anime does exist, Yuuji is armed with something heavier than a pocketknife, and there’s no “Isn’t it sad, Shana?”. There’s still awesome meido, though.

*cues Two-Winged Angel* Oh, and… I don’t care anymore. Just shoot me. No way those wings are going to generate enough thrust. None. I won’t accept it.

I’m sure this feeling that I’m running out of Jason-related gags is analogous to a race driver being told “You don’t have enough fuel to make it to the end,” except instead of pit stops, I refuel at image boards.

“We didn’t give up on our dreams! Our dreams became your dream! That’s what parents are! That’s what family is!”

Seriously, she looks like Akio, and I’m sure a lot of people are pulling for Wilhelmina to get a wife like Sanae. Making a comparison between Shana and Nagisa though… Nagisa would probably use that sword to make a giant dango shishkabob.

Meanwhile, Bal Masque’s final line of defense, the giant suit of armor piloted by Hecate, proves to be only marginally more effective than the mad professor and his hundreds of robot clones. More proof that Bal Masque really could wipe the floor Shana and/or Yuji, but they’re too bound to the Laws of Villainy (rule 3: make deaths long, painful, and very very avoidable) to do so.

Also, I keep looking back at that first sentence and imagining a giant robot spin-off of Shana. Yuuji’s trending the right way; in a couple more seasons he might be able to fill the Kamina role. Yanderes would achieve a great victory with new sniper-rifle-equipped Kazumi. And Shana…well…actually, I haven’t watched Gurren Lagann past episode one yet, so I can’t find any other female characters.

And in the end, the armor and its robot vision is defeated by … Konoe’s memories.

It’s like watching the punter run it in for the winning touchdown, or having the pitcher bat in the winning run. You can’t decide whether you got saved by a miracle or flat-out embarrassed that someone who wasn’t even supposed to be relevant one-upped all of you. At least it’s nothing compared to the red faces at Bal Masque HQ right now.

Speaking of, someone’s going to get sacked for the business decision of putting Konoe’s consciousness in the suit of armor. Hasn’t anyone learned that making non-living entities (usually robots) self-aware is a Very Bad Thing? Either they become sentinent and take over the world, or they end up pulling a divide by zero and bursting into flames.

Or perhaps, here, locking up enough to allow the flames to burst into it. Shana and Yuuji have a little screaming war here, with two pantheon-class Shouts Heard ‘Round The World. And you thought laughable voice acting was reserved for eroge.

REIJI MAIGO GET!

Somehow, I get the feeling that the reuniting of Yuuji and Reiji wasn’t quite as exciting as it could have been. No cries of “My precioussssss”? No innuendos of Yuuji putting the Reiji Maigo into himself and becoming one with it? No Hougucest with Yuuji and Pheles’s beau?

…actually, maybe it’s good they kept this simple.

Looks like someone forgot a semicolon.

And then Hecate cries, instantly pacifying her in the eyes of millions of viewers. Now, is she sad because:
A) She didn’t catch the bird in her hand
B) The failing of unimaginably evil plans is just so sad
C) Lewis Hamilton lost the world championship
D) Pheles is now hooking up with Wilhelmina instead of her (or, alternatively, Chris Hanson has not gotten to Sydonay yet)

What Shana is missing, part five…twelve…three hundred…escape scenes. C’mon, giant collapsing robot-like thing and all they do is jump to Shana and Yuji staring at it? Couldn’t they at least walk out of the flames or something?

C’mon, what these two need is another great bonding scene, and there’s no better way to get closer to someone than when you’re both trying not to die together.

Cue the ending insert song. At this point the 24 clock is loudly counting down the last seconds of the episode. Will the heroes (and by heroes, I mean Shana and Yuji) make it (and by make it, I mean a baby confess) in time?

Also, Kazumi in tears is the right mindset, Kazumi not in christmas meidofuku is not.

Satou gets approximately a fraction of a second of screen time. He’s still alive but quickly becoming first-string on the Uchida Squad. Nayuki does a better CTU agent impression, and…

Ike gets more screentime than him, in probably his second vaguely serious scene in the entire series. I’m not sure of Ike’s place in the story as the spoilers pointed to him getting shipped off to the great green room in the sky, but instead right now he’s stuck in a Fuuko-like state of flux. Real? Torch? We don’t know … but at least he’s not handing out wooden cut-outs of melonpan or something.

Or would that be better off than being dragged off by that one glasses girl every other scene? …I think I just answered that myself. Ike should totally hook up with her; Hiiragi managed to score a strict class rep using about 3 minutes of KimiKiss’s screentime, I’m sure Ike could borrow that much somewhere…

Meanwhile as the time winds down, Yuuji actually gets back to one of the core conflicts of the show in getting ready to solve the love triangle in probably what has been one of the least heated romantic conflicts ever. I feel like I’m watching Tony Stewart and Jeff Gordon fight for the lead, except they stay on opposite sides of the track, and at every turn one of them backs off the throttle to let the other guy through. And then Kyle Petty comes along to get laughed at and both the other guys pull off the track.

I mean, wow. Nothing says “I want Yuuji” like rolling over and letting a green-haired loli stomp all over you. At the very least Sydonay should have jumped in and gone “Nuh-uh, Hecate-clone’s mine.”

I’m turning tsundere I think I’m turning tsundere I really think so…

We’re up to special thanks in the credits already, but no worries, there’s always overtime after the final credit rolls.

And I still can’t decide what is more world-rockingly brain-paralyzingly meme-lockingly adorable, tsuntsun desu~ Shana…

Or “open wide for the melonpan” grin deredere Shana. For once I actually agree with the chosen ending girl. These ten seconds almost made the entire series for me. Despite it all I’m falling for the charms of Shana…although, for Shana, I’m not so sure.

Makes me wonder what would happen if they made a show made of pure concentrated moe – not even any jokes or fanservice or anything- like if they took a shy quiet clumsy meganekko and raised the alternating current on the tsundere generator to a thousand amps and drew her in chibi SD form half the time while having her spout monosyllabic phrases. I can see the headlines now; “Millions of puddles of melted anime fans found in front of computers worldwide; new show causes viewers to spontaneously combust from moe overload”.

Undoubtedly, Bandai Visual USA will license it and people will praise them for only charging $100 for a one-minute clip.

JCStaff! Are you watching the shot clock at all!? We’ve moved to a slow pan over a disconnected scene now without any words or explanation… but no need to panic yet.

Unrelated monologue and image! A white towel won’t save you from this!

On a scale of 1 to 10, the “don’t tell me this is happening” level of this, with the end of KimiKiss being a 10, and any episode of School Days being a 100, this is probably a solid 7, saved only by the fact that all signs point to new season.

C’mon, a parting shot, a confession at least? I don’t want to break out the “no way there’s an X on this” line again.

Going, going…

And Shana II is outta here. I feel somewhat ripped off considering that Ike was the only one with an audible face-to-face confession in the entire 24 episodes, and that

These two had the most relationship development out of anyone. I think Shana went backwards, if the blotted-out confession from episode 1 was actually supposed to have happened. The marvels of progress.

The next thing you know, they’ll say that Yuuji didn’t go to Shana at all. Yoshida was sad because she remembered she’s a side character, and Shana was joyously happy because she saw the melon-pan truck drive by. Yuuji, of course, took the harem’s lead option and got out of there before one of them broke out the boxcutters … or, in Shana’s case, worse.

Then again, Wilhelmina looked like she could have been waiting for something too… a shock ending de arimasu would probably be the most interesting result at this point. C’mon. Wilhelmina needs love. She’s stuck in that dead zone, not quite involved with anyone enough to land in the Nayuki Club, not quite tortured enough to land in Sacchin Society. And undoubtedly she is the most important issue of this show.

*crickets chirp, tumbleweed blows past, leaves swirl to create that ‘awkward silence’ effect*

Yup…these are my readers… or lack thereof.

-CCY

(In the end this was a lot harder to pull off than I first expected, one, because I’m horrible with sports references outside of auto racing, and two, because it’s hard to force humor, especially in the referential, meme-prone Jason style. Hopefully it wasn’t too bad, but I’m a lot happier with the humor work I’ve done for Team Zetsubou. I’ve tagged this under that because that’s my general ‘funny’ tag, nevertheless.

Sidetracked by Shiori will stay for another day, then it’s back to M3 as usual.)