If it goes well, this is the first chapter.

-CCY

===

“You know I have a big appetite, Yukari,”

Yuyuko Saigyouji said in a dreamy fashion, rotating a poker chip in her right hand. She closed her eyes and smiled as if to further accentuate her pleasant manner.

“Which is why I always enjoy festivals like this,” she continued, tilting her head as her expression would better explain things. “When everyone gets together, bringing a bit of their specialty, that variety which makes Gensokyo a fantastic place … it’s simply fantastic.”

As Yuyuko said this, she gestured to the crowd gathered around the table at which three people sat: Yuyuko Saigyouji, the pink-haired ghost; Yukari Yakumo, the purple-and-white mastermind with blond hair, and Shikieki Yamaxanadu, the small-framed but imposing green-haired judge who presided over the events of this night, which could be termed one of Gensokyo’s more curious competitions.

It was a diverse mix that represented some of the best, the brightest, and the most oddball characters from throughout the land. Their presence seemed to form a near-rainbow of hair colors, least to mention clothing fashion, hat size, and origins. Although many were human-looking, all knew that was anything but the case.

But one thing was common in the crowd and that was the silence that enveloped them, as they watched, enraptured, curious, and perhaps a bit jealous, as the two women at the final table battled.

Or, as the present would have it, as one of them monologued.

“But at every festival, although the food and drink always seems infinite, there’s always an end to the fun; the offerings are consumed and the wine runs dry. It’s saddening,” Yuyuko continued, her expression fading to something distant and serious.

“That’s why I wish to keep my supply stocked, so that Hakugyokurou can hold the grandest parties in the land for ages to come. And at this point, my only supply is you, Yukari. So I’ll have to take yours.”

“All in.”

Yuyuko pushes a fearsome stack of chips into the center of the table, supplementing an already large pile resting next to five cards: the Four of Hearts, Queen of Spades, Jack of Hearts, Two of Spades, and King of Hearts.

“The bet is to you, Yukari,” Shikeiki nodded in the direction of the woman with the blond hair, who chuckled in response.

“You know yourself that your logic is flawed, Yuyuko,” Yukari smirked in a fashion that almost seems haughty. There was no response from the ghost clad in a blue kimono.

“The difference between poker and festivals, of course, is that while food and drink are depleted as they are consumed, money only spreads from person to person,” she explained. “There’s no need to worry about it running out…”

She rested her head on her hands, looking to some point off to the side. “…unless of course, it’s taken by someone else. And even then, you can get it back, as long as you don’t lose all of it.”

“All those theatrics hides the fact that I will have to put my game on the line as well, in order to challenge you,” Yukari glanced between her pile of chips and that which Yuyuko just bet, finally resting her gaze on Yuyuko herself.

“Since we have exactly the same amount remaining.”

Yuyuko smiled brilliantly in response, almost as if she wanted to diffuse the dramatic tension. “Nothing less from you, Yukari, that’s why we’re good friends, isn’t it?”

She opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. “Ah, I tried … I’m not too bad at the art myself, but I still think Youmu is better as being poetic, when she’s not being all terse and serious.”

There was a loud crash in the stands, prompting a giggle from Yuyuko. “Ah, she’s as easily-flustered as ever.”

“But, Yukari,” Yuyuko suddenly wore a grin that was half playful and half malicious.

“You know I’m not trying to provoke you into submitting. I’m trying to provoke you into fighting.”

She looked thoughtful for a bit, then returned to her default smile. “Like good friends,” she added.

Yukari retorted back, almost in a joshing fashion. “Your speciality is to invite people to death, after all, of course I’m going to be careful while considering my mortality – even if it just my life in a fleeting competition such as this.”

“A fleeting competition?” Yuyuko continued the argument, which sounded serious but was rather quite light-hearted, like that of playful ribbing between close friends. “You were the one that offered that once-in-a-lifetime prize that spurred the wave of interest that sweeped the land.”

“Yes, but, if it’s something that I offer, then the only incentive to win, is so I do not lose such a prize.” Yukari faked a bored look. “Although it’s not a prize, more like a privilege. It’d be more interesting if someone else won anyway…”

Yuyuko gave Yukari another pure smile. “If that’s the case, then why not let me win? Are you worried about another incident, like before?” She said, in a jokingly threatening voice.

Yukari laughed. “I know you’ve matured since then, Yuyuko. Perhaps in many ways.” She paused her sentence to glance into the audience, where there was another loud crash.

“But, I have no intention of throwing a competition. I’m lazy, but I’m strong-spirited.”

Tapping the cards she held in her right hand against the table, she continued, “And, even if I’m lazy, I know when to act. And I think now is the time to finish this.”

Not even bothering to push her chips into the table, she made a slight glance to Shikeiki and tersely stated,

“I call.”

As the crowd murmured, Yuyuko again turned her head to the side, with a bit of a questioning look, that reverted to the typical spacey stare of hers. “… I see. I can’t decide if it’s fitting or not that it’s come down to a mere matter of chance, the way that this ends.”

She slowly and deliberately flipped over her cards, the 9 of Spades and 10 of Diamonds.

“Straight. Nine through King.”

Yukari nodded, almost if she knew what cards Yuyuko would flip over. “Chance, you say… it makes me wonder just how hungry you are right now, Yuyuko, to lie so earnestly.”

Sighing in comical fashion, Yuyuko admitted, “Quite a lot, to be honest.”

Undeterred, Yukari continued, “For a game like this, chance should be the last thing on your mind… if you have to resort to such a power as that, maybe that’s a sign that you need to strengthen yourself more.”

Continuing to drag out the monologue and the conclusion of the tournament, Yuyuko questioned back with a flat tone, “Well, certainly that is true, but in carefree times like this, sometimes it’s best not to know what will happen next. It makes life more splendid.”

“Perhaps that is true,” Yukari stood up from her chair, tilting her cards 90 degrees onto their edge. “I wouldn’t know myself, after so long manipulating boundaries.”

“But … I think I can be happy that I knew how this was going to end.”

As a hush fell over the room, Yukari, staring right into Yuyuko’s eyes with a inscrutable smile, gave the cards a light push, and they fell onto the table face-up, revealing their values.

Yuyuko looked at the cards, genuinely astonished for a second, then, without words, stood up, smiled gracefully, and made a motion to shake Yukari’s hand.

After playing one too many rounds of the 1999 arcade game Golgo 13, the idea was simply irresistable to me, especially since I was looking for a quick and easy game idea to code into existence.

(Download Cirno 9 – The Strongest – Vista-compatible version here)

As usual, said idea was neither quick nor easy but it was still amusing to think about.

Basically, it’s what you get when you crossover random Touhou fandom memes, and a precision-based sniper game. (sans lightgun, unfortunately)

It’s just a one-level demo at this point, and by the time I got to programming the level, my head hurt so it’s kind of simplistic, but I thought it would be interesting to see the reaction to something random like this.

Also, thanks to KirbyM of Walfas for all the art I stole off his create.swf, but no thanks for him for not having any way to put overly bushy eyebrows on Cirno. It’s just not Golgo without the eyebrows.

-CCY

Who knows what it is. The manic gameplay that shoots adrenaline through your veins as quickly as the characters shoots bullets, the immense music scene from its hard-rock remixes to the drug-like addictive flash songs and everywhere in between, or just the sheer size and limitless bounds of the fandom … perhaps I’ll never know a reason until I fall out of Touhou.

But until then, in my typical analytical style, I can’t take it lying down. I’m very bad at admitting I simply like things because I do, and so it’s time to dig up the roots of, at least, my Touhou fandom and shine some light on some of the intriguing, curious, or just plain weird ends of the Touhou universe.

There’s a method to every madness, and it’s time to find mine, in this mini-series of mini-posts. And target number one …

Yukkuri are one of the strange outliers of a strange fandom, being almost intentionally ugly and deformed representations of the Touhou characters. Their name spawned from the original Japanese phrase “Yukkuri shiteitte ne!”, translated as “Take it easy!”, the catchphrase of these beings. A simple bodyless head with a simple personality, they spout equally uncomplicated phrases that directly reflect their moods, revealing a sort of childish, helpless mentality.

It’s a tribute to the massiveness of the Touhou fanon (fan-canon) that the page at the Touhou wiki for Yukkuri extends on to the length of a research paper, with extensive detail on how each Yukkuri-representation of a character has its own unique quirks, not to mention describing in detail how a Yukkuri lives, acts, and yes, reproduces.

It almost reminds me of the Churuya fad in how the fandom sort of evolves in on itself, spouting branch after branch of meme-worthy material that continues to astound a simple mind such as mind.

Perhaps this is least such because, as much as I try to look away and go “this is dumb, and ugly, and dumb”, I find myself increasingly attracted to these fluffy piles of randomness, to the point which I’ve combed Danbooru time and time again for more images and comics to view.

Suddenly I found myself at what felt to be the bottom of the situation, and felt myself to suddenly understand a lot more what the crusaders against moe were arguing against – oddly enough, despite their looks, Yukkuri are practically pure moe producing machines.

Or, perhaps, their looks are an extension of their purpose, to give a sort of retarded look to a mentally retarded being. Yukkuri, from what I’ve figured, aren’t the type to survive on their own, and are typically seen clinging on to more realistic portrayals of the Touhou characters in doujinshi.

Likewise, they are on the most part extremely naive (described as ‘able to forget anything in a matter of hours’) and simple-minded, saying what they think straightforwardly, as amusingly false as it may be. (As in, when one covers their eyes, they shout “it’s nighttime!”). Somehow it feels analogous to having a kid with Down’s Syndrome.

And oddly enough this sort of this is actually quite attracting in a way, to the point that I really feel this more than anything fulfills not only the standard definition of moe but also the fears of the moe-averse.

It’s not quite a parent’s love as you never really get to see the Yukkuri grow. They stay dumb and smiling, being adorable with their foolish actions (although maybe not with their appearances), and they never really do mature.

Rather, the standard idea of moe as ‘the urge to protect’ applies completely here. You see what you imagine as ‘these poor things’ and you can’t help but feel a bit for them inside (at least, speaking from the perspective of the Touhou characters in the doujinshi), especially when you are showered with that form of mentally challenged affection.

And likewise, these Yukkuri symbolize everything that is wrong with moe at its worst, in that they really are somewhat respectable characters (although the issue with Touhou being by and large a blank slate) reduced to a singular point which shows little to none of their actual personality, to speak none of the faulty framework of a Yukkuri, which seems more similar to an animal than a human (or is that the point?).

Perhaps this too is why they are so attractive, since they are meme-worthy and easily remembered that they stick in your head like a random guitar lick.

Who knows. Whether I should feel guilt for liking such a silly thing is up for judgment. It all depends on in what frame you view the Yukkuri. Are they an experiment gone wrong? Loving pets? An instance of the hyperextension of a fandom?

Perhaps, the Touhou universe is one of those forces too giant to be explained, inside or outside of canon. If I continue getting sucked into this vortex of fanwork, I just might find out. Until then…take it easy, eh?

-CCY
(Went through two other post drafts before deciding on finishing this article. Yeah, I have nothing else to say here.)